Top 5: Bad bedding

Bit slack on the old blog front, but when you see what I've been dealing with I'm sure you'll understand.

Since finally moving into my new apartment in the glorious climes of Pali Hill, I've been on a one woman quest to uncover soft furnishings that don't leave me bereft of hope for the Indian textile design industry.

Despite its rich artistic heritage, India's department stores really do harbour some questionable bed linen. Finding something to suit my vanilla palate has required multiple trips to every known shopping precinct in wider Maharashtra.

For a country renowned for its cotton, I beg of you please just produce something plain or at least that isn't inspired by a 1960s acid trip.

A bemused acquaintance finally tipped me off about the existence of FabIndia and the Bombay Store, which thankfully stock traditional block printed sheets. I'm now merrily ensconced in a cacophony of paisley and wondering why I made such a fuss.

Anyway to share my woes I have compiled my top 5 'the designer should be ashamed of themselves' bedding sets.

 

5. The cast of Saved By The Bell called....they want their bedding back.

Taking it's inspiration from the opening credits of every 90s child's favourite Saturday morning show, this bed linen would have been best abandoned in a decade not renowned for its style. The only saving grace? If you were to face-plant yourself on the pillow at least you wouldn't be able to see the rest.



 

4. Life's a beach...

 

If you want your bedding to look like the background to a Playboy calendar shoot. All that's missing is Pamela Anderson dangling upside down from the palm in a red swimsuit. What actually perturbs me the most is that I can't shake the feeling that I might drown if I lay down on it.

 

 

 

3. Call PETA! Someone's made a patchwork out of Tony the Tiger.

The old adage of less is more was thoroughly abandoned in this design. Orange tiger print is probably best used sparingly, but I don't think this is an excuse to weave in the rest of the big five and accent it with a fake Gucci print. Even Donatella Versace, who is not one to shy away from a pattern or two, might weep and say it's all too much.

2. I would do anything for love...but I definitely won't sleep in that

You'll be delighted to learn this silky set comes in a range colourways and floral tributes - from viburnum to protea. There's even interesting variations incorporating planets and leopard print, which sorely tempted me, but in the end I plumped for something that wouldn't be out of place on the set of a Meatloaf video.

 

 

 

And in at numero uno, a bedding set so astronomically hideous I almost, for the briefest of moments, went full circle and themed my room around it. If anyone in the whole world can top this, I'd like to see it.

1. I give you, Lady with Crab.

 

 

I've quite often wished on a Friday night that a handy crab would carry me home from the pub.