Travels by tuk-tuk

On my first night out with the expat fraternity, I was unceremoniously hustled into a tuk-tuk to transport us to venue numero deux. Never one to shy away from an experience (especially after two gins) I nestled my ample behind into the seat and gaped in disbelief as another two people piled in after me.

I'd love to tell you that my first journey was an exhilarating roller coaster ride that left me feeling more alive than ever, but I was far too conscious of taking up three quarters of the backseat. As a result, I was clinging on for dear life with one ass cheek perched precariously on the seat and the other hanging out the door. Thankfully it was dark for the sake of all the pedestrians we passed at break neck speed.

The real revelation came when we went to pay; it cost us a mere 20 rupees. Whilst everyone else was scrabbling around for change, I was so shocked I paid in a gallant flourish and told the driver to keep the change. Please take note that this is thoroughly frowned upon, but I was overcome by the wad of Monopoly money burning a hole in my wallet.

Fast forward a week and I couldn't find a cab for love nor money after dinner in Powai. I'd had a glass of wine and lost my umbrella somewhere in greater Maharashtra earlier in the day so thought to hell with it, I'll get a tuk-tuk before I get soaked.

What followed was a bumpy adrenaline rush punctuated by incessant beeping. My driver wove expertly in and out of traffic, came to abrupt halts inches from the vehicle in front and occasionally swore (I presume) at other road users. I might write to Boris to suggest he bins the bikes and gets Barclays to sponsor a few London tuk-tuks instead.

I made it back to the hotel in record time for a fraction of the cost of a taxi. I long to travel by tuk-tuk every day, but unfortunately they're banned from central and south Mumbai so it'll have to remain a weekend treat. Anyway, I thought I would give you a little taster of the experience during a relatively gentle bit of the trip.